bohemiandreamgirl:

I’m majestic, bitch.

(via misskatehate)

‘Dear 900+ mostly strangers that follow me & don’t pass judgement or hardly even comment on my silly little life, should I put my twitter account on lock down & kick out my husband because he’s insecure & acts a fool when he sees something on here he doesn’t like?
Oh, I KNOW he SHOULD be secure in his relationship with me, but I’m learning I married a big foolish insecure jerk who doesn’t understand that I don’t have to tell him every little thing that passes thru my mind because I feel threatened by his jealous possessive insecurity. After all, he does put holes in doors when he can’t control me. I mean, control his temper.
Every time we fight I am re-routing my escape plan & just yesterday I thought I should give back all the $$$$ my relatives gave me at my stupid bridal shower that I didn’t even want whenever we wind up getting divorced & the next time I think I want to get married, I sure as fuck aint bringin him home & ill go elope in vegas like a smart stripper would have without asking anyones permission (you know, cos you can take the girl out of the stripclub, but you can’t take the stripper out of the girl).
Why did I think it was a good idea to get married in the first place anyway? Why did I think it was a good idea to leave ATX in the first place? I feel like I’m back to missing my cat & my old life & my old friends more than when I first left, more than when I moved here a year ago, maybe more than ever. I even miss my old gold bike too, & that thing was a piece of shit. I mean, things sure have gotten better since I’ve been here, you know cos I really love all my aerial classes & I’m even starting to make some friends, but sometimes, and it seems more often than not, I think I may have made a big mistake committing so deeply to this relationship. To everyone that thought this was a bad idea, thank you for your concern & I’m sorry I hadn’t listened to you.
Thanks, 900+ mostly strangers that don’t think I’m less of a person for any stupid shit I do (like letting a fanged custy spank the living fuck outta me in VIP or getting married to a foolish & insecure young boy who already thinks himself a man), I really appreciate the space you give me to vent, and the complete lack of judgemental commentary & occasional minimal responses I receive from you. If only my husband were so supportive. Oh well, maybe next time.

i miss this.  

(via fuckyeahstrippershit)

just in case you were wondering if i dont love him enough, dont worry, ive already beat you to it, i wonder too.

(via brookebrilliance)

(via thedame)

OMG I USED TO DO THE SAME EXACT INVISIBLE STRING THING WHEN I WAS A KID!!!

brookebrilliance:

Have you got a particular skill that people might not know about? (x)

This is pretty cool. I don’t think I could ever do it.

this was my cat.  her name was CutiePie LuvBug.  i just called her cutie.  when we moved out of texas, she ran away from me at a rest stop in tennessee somewhere between memphis and nashville.  sometimes i am still sad about it, and sometimes i still miss her.  i loved her a lot.

i can be

just like my grandmother

i dont have to leave the house all week 

if i dont want to

or get dressed

i have enough non-perishable food items stored to hold me over

i dont have to answer the phone when i dont want to talk to anyone 

ABOUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS

and ill only pick up 

when the emotional weather

is clear and sunny

i have my miles of yarn

and assorted hooks

and books

but i dont have a cat to talk to

and ill call my mother about the glasses she sent me that she bought off ebay

but i dont want to talk to my mother in law about the hole her son put in the door

that id locked myself behind

even the pole girls

i told them he made me enchiladas and baked me cookies

even all my best friends

i only told one

just like my grandmother i can bottle all this up and keep it inside and go on pretending like i dont need anything from anyone

just like my grandmother i can let the phone just keep ringing

just like my grandmother i can admire the pretty sunshine day from my kitchen window without ever having to go outside

why doesnt the support group “Strippers Anonymous” exist?  

ive been here what, 4 and a half days?  and everything seemed to be going pretty damn well until this evening.  its been 5 months and this is my shotgun wedding blowing up in my face.  and with the exception of a handful of weekends, ive been out of the stripclub for just as long.  but if marriage means fighting like this, if when i say “shut up, i dont want to talk about it leave me alone” and i wind up cornered with my back against the wall, of course im going to freak out like a fucking psychotic, and of course im going to think about escaping back to the stripclub.  only my dreams are even bigger now, cos the stripclub is not where i want to be anymore.  ive got to become something bigger than this.  ive got to be more than just the best pole dancer any club ive worked at in the last 3 yrs has ever seen.  i want to be one of the best pole dancers the WORLD has ever seen. and this marriage really gave me hope that i might have the help and support that i wouldnt have to do it all on my own, i mean he buys my pole classes and my ballet classes and he sent me to vegas to support my best friend in the first competition id ever witnessed.  and im looking at pacific pole championships and im looking at international pole convention weekend and thinking about california pole dance championships because i realize its about fucking time i overcame my fear of NOT winning any competition i might enter.  because to me, not winning always meant LOSING, but after i went to national aerial pole art championship, i learned its not all about winning, AT ALL.  i just need to GO and DO IT because i love dancing and i love pole dancing and i love being on stage and courting an audience.  thats been the hardest part about the transition from strip club to studio is that theres no audience in the studio.  i mean, i guess thats ok and hasnt been that hard to get accustomed to, because in the studio its easy to remind myself that there WILL be an audience, and thats what im training for, so that the next time im up there on stage, i will astound them all over again.  

i just spent maybe the last 2 hours freaking the fuck out on my husband and sobbing and crying and ive spent probably the last i dont know how many months wavering back and forth between this is never going to work and maybe we can work this out.  tonight i definitely crashed straight through the “this will never work” barrier again right into trying to plan my escape route [i could go to NY, or i could go to vegas.  wonder if i could make it in australia].  but if im so focused on getting out of this marriage that im so freshly in, how far back will it set me in the pole career ive been trying [not quite half-heartedly, more like half-assed] to develop?  can i do this without him?  will i have to lean on my parents?  would they even support me?  and the one that kills me that i cant stop asking myself is, did i get into this marriage just to further myself and my career?  how fucking selfish am i? like especially in the few days that ive been here, do i even love him?  fuck, marriage isnt about love, its about sacrifice and commitment.  right?  tonight im like, did i make the biggest mistake of my life to date?  am i kidding myself or am i really happiest when hes just behind the scenes paying for everything?  i really wanted to believe that we didnt need extended family around to behave ourselves, but after tonight, im not so sure i want to keep trying to make this work.  i really need to go see my friendly neighborhood pagan witch-lady that reads my cards when i get back to my stomping grounds in NY next week.

you see why i wish we had a fucking strippers anonymous support group?  i mean i know, were impossible to organize in the “real world” beyond the internet.  thank god[dess] for all the strippers here on tumblr and twitter, right?  what would i do without you women out there tweeting your hearts out.  i dont know.